Frotelo and Friends

When someone first entered the house, they would notice the smell before noticing the actual layout of the house; large, perfect for the number of people that took up residence in the house. This was the normal setting, but today the house, or the living room, has been transformed into an oversized makeshift kitchen.

The couches and recliners have been completely moved out and replaced with mismatched folding metal chairs, lawn chairs, and chairs that look as though they were taken straight from a high school. Across the room from the chairs is a long table holding a toaster, an Easy-Bake Oven, and an empty rotisserie. Behind the table is a portable oven, a mini-refrigerator, and yet another table with a multitude of different ingredients scattered about it.

Far above the table is a banner made of printer paper that has been stapled together and taped to the wall. Across the paper are the words "MR. FROHLICH + MR. FELIX'S COOKING SHOW!!!" written in big bubbly letters. Other various decorations are hung around the room as well: giant pictures of badly-drawn pizza, hot dogs, and other various foods taped to the wall, streamers lazily stapled to the ceiling, and confetti littering the floor.

This picture is only completed by the disgruntled audience members, Murua and Layla, and the two men standing behind the front table: Felix and Jackal. Haruka sits in one of the outer chairs, fidgeting with a camcorder. Every so often either Felix or Jackal will turn to Haruka and ask, "Now?" The first few times she is asked, Haruka gives a shake of her head. But after the fourth  "now?" Haruka nods and positions the camera on an empty end table.

Jackal clears his throat and says in a well-rehearsed manner, "Good evening and velcome to the 'Jackal Makes Out vith Fifi on Camera Show,' vhere Jackal vill—"

"M-Mr. Frohlich!" Haruka's flustered little voice can be heard off-screen and Jackal laughs loudly.

"We're going to be cooking shit," Felix says with a grin, and when Mint opens his mouth to interject, Felix quickly adds, "But not literal shit."

"That vould be gross," Jackal says. "Ve're not cooking shit though. Ve're cooking…"  Jackal looks away from the camera to Feilx, who shrugs. "Vhat are ve cooking.

"Pizza," Layla is quick to answer. "Haruka just sai—"

"Ve're cooking pizza," Jackal turns to the camera and motions to the ingredients on the table. Felix stretches his arm as far as he can in front of Jackal and grabs the slip of paper with the recipe on it.

"It says we need dough first," Felix narrows his eyes at the paper, lowers it, and points at a large bowl filled with pre-made dough. He takes a pinch of it, rolls it around in his hand, and throws it straight up, where it sticks to one of the blades of the ceiling fan. "HA."

"Voah. Let me try," Jackal grabs a pinch as well, sticks a piece of shredded cheese on it and throws it at the same blade the first piece of dough landed. It sticks as well.  "VOOOAH."

"Why am I here again?" Murua asks, crossing his arms. "I don't even know any of you."

"I don't know."

"F-For pizza—"

"To sit down, shut the fuck up, and watch us make delicious pizza," Felix smirks at Layla and Murua as he reaches in the bowl and takes out the entire thing of dough. Haruka opens her mouth to stop him, but before she can, Jackal and Felix are mushing down the dough with the palms of their hands. "So, yeah, you're supposed to make this shit flat, apparently."

"Not literal shit though."

"Yeah, exactly," Felix leaves Jackal to mushing down the dough while he looks at the recipe again. By this point, the dough looks more like a giant tumor than pizza dough. Felix and Jackal don't seem to mind, but Haruka sits in the back, fidgeting and forcing herself to stay quiet. "Tomato sauce. Do we have tomato sauce?"

After dusting his hands on his pants, reaches forward and grabs four tomatoes. "How do ve make tomato sauce?"

"You squish them," Murua answers this time, leaning forward. This answer seems obvious enough, and Jackal and Felix accept it. Jackal places the tomatoes around the pizza and Felix balls his hand into a fist bringing it down on one of the tomatoes. This sends tomato juice flying everywhere and Layla and Murua ducking for cover behind their chairs. "AUGH. That is not what I meant!"

"It vorks anyway!" Jackal hits the rest of the tomatoes and rubs their remains all over the pizza. Felix has grabbed a cheese grater and a block of Velveeta, grating the cheese on the pizza while Jackal continues to rub the 'tomato sauce' over the pizza. After two grates of the cheese, Felix shrugs and drops the entire block of cheese on the pizza. "Now vhat?"

As Felix leans over to check the recipe again, Jackal firmly plants his hands against Felix's back and slides them down to his butt, leaving a trail of tomato sauce. "JACK."

"Vhat do ve need?" Jackal asks with a smirk.

"Pepperoni, I bet."

"Pepperoni."

"I just said that."

"This is OUR show, Laylay."

Layla rolls her eyes and stands to leave, but with a whine from Haruka, Layla sits back down. Jackal and Felix are now attempting to put the pepperoni on the pizza, but only half of it ends up on the pizza while the other half ends up on the floor or in Felix's mouth.

With the tomato sauce all over the pizza, the cheese (somewhat) shredded, and the pepperoni (somewhat) on the pizza, Jackal and Felix wipe their hands off on their clothes and look around. "Now we put it in the oven?" Felix asks.

"Y-Yes—"

"That dinky thing?"

"It's a p-portable—"

"That'll take way too long," Felix scans the living room then hurries out from behind the table and sprints up the stairs. He returns not even a minute later with two hairdryers, plugging them both in and handing one to Jackal. "We'll use these."

Simultaneously Murua and Layla stand, backing toward the kitchen and away from the living room. Haruka stands as well, but not fast enough to get away from the pizza, which flies forward and smacks her right in the face the instant Jackal and Felix turned the hairdryers on.

Everything goes completely quiet. Even Murua and Layla, who were trying to escape this pizza attack stop in their tracks. Minutes pass, and the first one to speak is Jackal, who says, "Shit. Sorry, girly."

Haruka stands rigid, but forces a smile on her face. "No, d-don't worry about it! It's j-just pizza! Th-This w-will w-wash r-riiight out."

There is another awkward silence. Layla and Murua have returned to their seats, and Jackal and Felix slowly make their way to two empty seats. Haruka takes the gooey "pizza" off of her and places it on the messy table.

"I think," Felix says, crossing his arms and looking to Jackal with an embarrassed grin. "Maybe you should take over this cooking show."