literature

FOR HEX: Secret Santa, yo B3

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Literature Text

The scene is a living room cluttered with a rainbow of wrapping paper. Amongst the clutter, the viewer can see bits and pieces of strips of tape, half-eaten cookies, and empty glasses among other various things. In the far left corner of the camera is a Christmas tree, brightly lit and just as colorful as the wrapping paper surrounding it. The camera slowly pans to the right and the viewer can now see a couch surrounded by a group of people, some sitting on the floor and others sitting on the couch, the recliner, or chairs pulled from the kitchen table.

Everyone is talking and laughing amongst themselves, holding their various Christmas presents and showing them off to the others. When a blonde boy enters the scene carrying a large book, everyone quiets down, watching him curiously as to see what his next move will be. He barks at a young girl to "move out of my seat!" and replaces the poor girl as soon as she hops out of the chair.


"Heeey everyone," he greets the group, resting the book on his lap. "How're you all?"

The group responds with a chorus of mix answers; good, okay, well, sick, tired, all of these answers mush together and yet the boy just smiles as though he understands them all.

"Good!" is his overly enthusiastic response as he opens the hardback cover. "How was everyone's Christmas?"

Only one person responds this time; an extremely tall male with glasses and dark hair. "You were here, stupid. Why ask us when you already know?"

Someone else pipes in, "What are you, David Letterman?"

The living room erupts in a fit of laughter and the boy shoots glares at everyone. A "nice" way on telling them to shut the hell up that wasn't funny. When the laugher ceases, the boy clears his throat and drums his fingers against the book. "Nice to hear." He says this despite the answer he had gotten, obviously trying to control his temper. "You know what would be a great ending to this night?"

"More food?"

"You shutting up?"

"M-More p-presents?"

"Drugs?"

"Booze?!"

"NO!" The boy throws his arms in the air, frustrated. "A story!" He grabs the book and wiggles it around.

"We're not in kindergarten, Hex," another boy, one with dark, flipped hair, scoffs.

"B-But stories are f-fun!" the girl sitting on the recliner with him chirps as she pets the small stuffed dog sitting on her lap.

The blonde boy, Hex, smirks and opens the book again as the other boy grumbles, irritated. "Now this story is called the Lost South Pole. It's one of my faaaavorite Christmas stories."

"Oh really? That's funny, because the book says the Night Before Christmas Around the World. Am I just blind or are you an idiot? I believe it's the latter," the boy sneers, tightly crossing his arms.

"You're just blind, Jeremiah." Hex smirked at this comeback as a few people snickered and turned to the front page of the book. "Now have all heard of the story of the North Pole, right?"

"Santa?"

"And those creepy little midgets."

"Those are elves, stupid."

"Same difference."

"God, just answer my question, yes or no?!" Hex waited as most everyone nodded, then continued. "Well, this is about the South Pole. It's waaaay different than the North Pole."

"Is i-it s-scary?"

"Mmkinda. Anyway, the story goes like this…"



Once upon a time there was a cold place, one of the most isolated places in the world. No one wanted to go there 'cause it was so cold and people had only heard bad things about the place and things that were stuck living there. This place was called the South Pole.

"It s-sounds so s-scary!"

"Shhhush. Let me tell the story."


Anyway, a lot of things lived in the South Pole, and tons of these things were mean. Like, really mean. But there were also quite a few nice people, too, but most of the nice people got on a magical boat and went to live in the nicer North Pole with Santa and his munchkins-er, elves. NICO don't say a word.

So-I SAID SHUT UP-there was this small snowman that lived in a big igloo in the middle of the South Pole. While he had this humongous house, no one lived with him 'cause no one really wanted to because, well, it was the South Pole and everyone pretty much hated everyone else that lived there.

"Wouldn't it just be easier for him to move to the North Pole?"

"I'm getting to that! Shut up and let me tell the damn story."


He stayed in the South Pole because only the richest and luckiest creatures of the South Pole got to go there. The South Pole was kinda like the ghetto North Pole. Anyway, this snowman's name was Jeremy and he was so lonely and sad that everyday he prayed that the sun would melt him away into nothing but a wittttle snow puddle. But, of course, since it was the South Pole and it was always cold, that would never happen.

"Wait. Did you just say this snowman's name was Jeremy?"

"Yup."

"J-Just like y-you, Jeremiah!"

"I am not some suicidal snowman!"

"You are now."


"Why does the great Snowlan hate me?!" he would cry to the snowflakes falling on his icy little head. "What have I done to deserve this?!" But no one would answer for he was the lonely little snowman Jeremy and no one loved his cold little heart. No one or nothing. Not even the ice frosting his igloo or his snowmom or snowdad or snowcat or snowdog or snowmouse or-

"OKAY we get it! No one loves him, now move on!"

Whatever. One fateful day while Jeremy was shopping at the local Sleigh-Mart for all time low prices, he ran into a snowgirl and her snowfriend, Snow Angel. They were shopping for Christmas lights and a new Christmas tree, 'cause Sleigh-Mart was the only place you could get a real Christmas tree even though they died in less than a week. They were pretty nonetheless so Snow Angel and Staruka were looking for them.

Jeremy was really confused because he had only heard about Christmas in fairy tales told by some of the sneaky rabbits that always tried to steal his nose. He didn't even think Christmas really existed! He had to know more about it. So, he managed ALLL his courage and walked up to the two.

"Hello!" he said to the two getting a Christmas tree. " I need to ask you all something! It is really important that I know!"

Staruka and Snow Angel looked at him as they put their glorious Christmas tree in their Sleigh-Mart sleigh and prepared to go check out. "What?" Snow Angel asked. "Do you need something?"

"I-HE-said that he needed to ask them something, idiot."

"Shh, Jeremiah. The story's getting good."


"What is Christmas all about?" Jeremy asked them. He HAD to know.

Staruka answered for her with light shining in her button eyes. "Christmas is the best holiday ever!"

Jeremy was shocked. "Even better than Abomidable Snowlan day?"

"Am I some type of god in the South Pole or something?"

"Yeah, but only because they're afraid of you."

"You're a dick."

"Shut upppp."


"Even better! You get to eat and sing and dance and open presents and spend time with family!" Staruka said to him most enthusiastically.

Jeremy's icy little heart broke in two. "I don't have any family though."

Snow Angel chimed, "You can come celebrate with our family!"

Snow Angel and Staruka didn't even let him finish before they hauled him off to their snowmobile and off to their snowmansion.

"Could you be a little more creative with the names?"

"Oh my God, SHUT UP."


They drove about halfway there until Jeremy had to stop to go to the bathroom. You see, Jeremy had a kidney problem which was also why he was so short. It was also why he didn't have any friends. No one liked his kidneys. …what, no comments? Yes, Jeremiah, kidneys were like gold in the South Pole…yeah, snowmen have kidneys. UGH so after Jeremy spent an hour in the bathroom-

He actually only spent three minutes in there. He spent another few minutes grabbing something to eat in that convenient store though. Things for the place he was going to with Angel and Haruka which I assume was the house. He got back on that stupid sounding snowmobile and they started toward the house.

This is MY story, Jeremiah. Back off. And their names were SNOW Angel and STARuka, stupid. When they got to their giant snowmansion, Staruka led the kidney-less Jeremy inside while Snow Angel grabbed the Christmas tree.

You see, audience, the first narrator is an idiot. Of course Jeremy had kidneys unlike someone in the "snowmansion" who lacked a brain. His name was Matthew and everyone hated him because he was stupid, rude, and smelled worse than Aros and Kip's weird rat thing combined. He was uglier than the two, too-

THAT'S A LIE. Matt-HEX-was a sexy snowdoctor who took poor unfortunate residents into the house and took care of them and let them live there with his smokin' hot snowwife, Kean. Or Kip. Or whatever.

But again, the narrator is being an idiot because if she was a snowwife and she was "smoking hot" then she would be melted. Therefore, since she was made out of snow, she wasn't smoking hot. Stupid narrator.

Jeremiah, shut up, this is my story!

Well you're not telling it right so I'm going to help you tell it right. So here, the end goes, they all partied, Matthew melted completely in a tragic heater accident and they all celebrated, the end.

NO the end goes Jeremy's kidneys finally failed and he died and no one cared.

That's not how it ends!

Well Hex doesn't melt either!

Idiot!

Asshole!

YOU TAKE THAT BACK.

Then let me finish the story!

NO!

At that moment, Hex leaps out of his chair and tackles the unsuspecting Jeremiah. The two hit the camera and the last view of the group is everyone turning to look at the two fighting, some laughing, some rolling their eyes, and others just getting up to go to their room. The clear view, shortly after, is replaced with static fuzz, ending the Story of the South Pole.

FSSSSSSSSH.
It was a beautiful Christmas story, Haruka thought, but she was still confused as to how snowmen could have kidneys.

Oh well.



((ooc:

OH GOD THIS IS SO LONG AND SO STUPID. I went through five story ideas until I finally decided on this one. asdgh I'm sorry it's so dumb and long. orz

ANYWAY HEX BBBYYY I was your Secret Santa, yes. B3 I hope you enjoyed the storrryyy! ;v ;

Early Merry Christmas, hun! :'D


Annd all the characters belong to their awesome owners. B3))
© 2009 - 2024 ChibiHaruru
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sunshine-psycho's avatar
{This... I... This may be the best thing I've ever read.

No kidding.}